Greetings and thank you to the 5 people who are still reading this blog!
About the longer post that I promised was coming…one thing you should realize right off the bat is that I’m kind’ve like that shitty friend you vouch for, only to learn that they later bailed on the job interview you got them. In a word? Totally unreliable. See what I mean? That’s not even 1 word, that’s 2.
Anyway, even though I don’t have it right now that longer post is definitely coming. I’m serious this time. (I’m totally not.) In the meantime, though, I thought I’d post an amusing conversation I recently had with a friend of mine whom I shall, for no good reason, mysteriously refer to as ‘X’. I guess because he’s just so X-traordinarily good at making me laugh. I’m betting he’ll do the same for you.
Me (Mocking X): “I love igloos.”
X: Have you ever even seen one? The nerve…
Me: I’m sorry, have YOU? I guess it must’ve slipped my mind, that year you spent living in igloos.
X: I’m an igloo designer, thank you very much. Spent 4 years getting a degree in igloo-ology. The world’s brightest igloo makers were my mentors.
Me: OK. That’s right. Of course. Because there’s a real future in igloo designing.
X: This year we’re releasing a new model of igloo that will blow our competition away and revolutionize how igloos are made forever!
X: Except in Philly, too sunny there.
Me: And by competition, you mean the 3 Eskimos in Alaska?
X: We’ve already got those 3 Eskimos under control – international espionage along with some family threats…igloo business is ruthless.
Me: Family threats? You kidnapped their sled dogs? Broke their snow shoes? Pee’d menacing comments in the snow? (Is this racist…?)
X: If you have to ask if something is racist…
X: No, I gave them a year’s supply of ketchup bottles with holes in the bottom…that’s a permanent stain.
X: (Btw. if you’re nice to me I’ll try and get you season 3 [It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia])
Me: Omg! I would kiss your dog if you could get season 3. Just trim his whiskers back a bit, though. I’m ticklish.
X: I don’t have a dog, but I’ll find you a clean-shaven homeless man if you want?
Me: No dice. I could get AIDS, you know.
X: I don’t believe you can get AIDS from kissing.
Me: I don’t care what you believe. I ain’t kissing no homeless dude.
X: Well somebody’s got unreasonably high standards then.
Me: We all draw our lines somewhere…